And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
