so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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