i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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