Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
