You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
