He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
