I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
soo... how was my night?
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