2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
