she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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