she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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