you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
We got so high we made milksteak
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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