can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
