your parents love me but you hate me
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Randomize
