I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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