Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
