Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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