I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
