She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
