she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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