I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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