I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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