Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Randomize
