I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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