i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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