In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
