apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
