Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
