I just threw up on my dentist
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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