just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
