Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
