i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
