Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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