considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
