You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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