the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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