508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
