i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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