I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
