He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
