Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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