I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
