I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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