so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
