Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
