I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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