I showed him my bush... on skype.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
