Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
