i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
