i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I think I won the penis lottery.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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