I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
