This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
