Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
The power of my boobs compel you
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
