omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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