he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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