butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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