I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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