she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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