Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just want to make out with him forever
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
