Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Randomize
