just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
