i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I am spending my child support on dildos
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Of course I have a pirate flag
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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