cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
