When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
