I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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