First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
