a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
