you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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